This week I started my final semester of undergraduate education and it started with a bang. A breakdown over buying a computer, a trip to the emergency room (don’t worry, nothing is wrong), almost missing my therapy session, and finally signing up for “accessibility services”. That last one is just a fancy way of telling the school I have a “disability”, which I have been putting off because I have high functioning depression and I can do all the things!
(this picture is originally from Allie Brosh’s blog/book and I just finished her book Hyperbole and a Half and am a little obsessed. She has a great comic about depression that I recommend checking out.)
But this is my final semester and I am a little freaked out about that. Not because I am in love with my school and I want to stay, I just really don’t like change. I’m also not all that sure what I will be doing after I graduate and am so scared of the idea of no longer being in school because I have so much more to learn and I have my bed at optimal comfort and moving is going to disrupt that.
The logical side of my brain knows that all this change is good and my bed will be just as comfortable after I move, maybe even more so because I won’t be in a place that I don’t like. But as much as I don’t like something, I’m still scared of losing it. It’s messed up, I know but my mental health thrives on structure. I guess that is why I will never be able to fulfill my dream of being a full on hippie, I just can’t go with the flow.
To anyone who is in a flux time of their life and change is just around the corner: we are going to make it through because something better has got to be around that corner or at least hopefully isn’t something worse. You know, at this point I’m just hoping that it’s around the same as my current situation. This motivational part really went downhill fast.