With my anxiety, I have a lot of rituals. A lot of them are so ingrained into my life that I don’t even realize I’m doing it and when my therapist asks me to think of some rituals to break, I can’t think of any of them. She on the other hand, can point out things that I do in our sessions and then force me to change them. This week, she made me take one of the rings off that I had been wearing for almost 8 years.
My rings are one of my more conscious rituals. I know that I play with them whenever I start to feel nervous, anxious, uncomfortable, etc. Now that she has made me take that ring off, I feel the intense emptiness. Things are weighted differently and everything feels off. I hate it.
Now I know in the small part of my rational mind that it is important that I break these rituals, starting with the small ones. There are some pretty big rituals to battle later too.
Just the thought of having to eventually face those rituals sets me down the path of a panic attack. My rituals have obviously helped because when I do them bad things don’t happen, right??
But they do happen. My rituals might be comforting but it doesn’t mean they are helping. They even have a tendency to get in the way of living my life. They get in the middle of my relationships. I know that attacking my rituals is going to be a pain in the ass but I know it is worth it. Well, my therapists knows it is worth it and I trust her.