My mental health is classified as high functioning. This means, on the outside, I look like your everyday college student. I get my work done, I hang out with friends, I’m president of a club – to most people, I do not look like someone who has multiple mental illnesses. It is because I am high functioning, that people tend to not take my problems seriously. I don’t look “depressed”. I’m not strapped down to a bed screaming, so I can’t have a mental illness. I’m not “sick” enough to be sick.
What I don’t show people is the struggle that often happens just to get out of the door. How I put off my homework until the last minute not because I’m lazy but because when I do it on a time crunch it has to be done, even if my brain is calling me a failure. People don’t see me curled up in my bed because breathing feels more like drowning.
I saw a psychiatrist last week for a medication evaluation.The appointment only lasted 20 mins and the doctor blew me off. When I told him I didn’t like Xanax, he told me just don’t take it. He didn’t take my struggles seriously because I must have looked like I could handle everything. What he didn’t see was the baby blanket stuffed in my purse because I was so scared.
I am high functioning. That means I get all my work done. It does not mean I’m not struggling.