Today is the anniversary of my trauma. I thought long and hard about whether or not I was going to write a blog post today because it still feels a little weird, especially weird today. But, I have prided myself on transparency in my writing.
14 years ago, when I was 8 years old, I witnessed a tragic death in my family. Every year, on June 25th my cousin and I go down to have visit the grave of my grandfather and leave flowers. It’s a really weird day for me. We only started doing it 4 years ago when I had started coming to terms with what happened that day and how it has changed and impacted my whole life.
I have written an entire chapter in my book about what happened that day to the extent that I can remember but it almost feels weirder writing this blog post.
I have spent a lot of my life wishing I had been somewhere else on this day 14 years ago. I have spent a lot of my life resenting what happened that day. I have spent a lot of my life pretending that what happened that day didn’t change me.
But I can’t changed what happened to me. I can’t go back and decide to do something else and not be there.
All I can do is change how I deal with what happened and is happening to me every day. Coming to terms with today and writing about the problems I have has been so liberating for me and has helped me accept that it’s okay to be exactly who I am.
I love you Grandpa, I think about you every day. I’m working so hard to not be afraid, I know you would have wanted my to fly high.